Are you struggling to boost your self-worth? Perhaps you don’t even realise the importance of self-worth! You’re succeeding in the workplace, your friends and family speak highly of your parental superpowers, and you grab every opportunity that comes your way.
But, why are you feeling unfulfilled and unhappy?
Often it comes down to believing in yourself, your place in the world, your sense of “I do deserve to belong here and own this space” kind of belief. You can strongly believe in your capabilities and abilities to handle daily life but how much do you value your worthiness?
If that question makes you squirm you need to explore why!
What is Self-Worth?
There are hundreds, if not thousands of articles, blogs, and even books written about self-worth. There are numerous debates about whether self-worth is the same as self-love, self-esteem, or self-confidence.
While the words convey similar attributes, there are slight differences worth noting:
Self-worth: According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it means “a sense of one’s own value as a human being.”
Self-esteem: The Oxford Languages Dictionary defines this as “confidence in one’s own worth or abilities.”
Self-love: The same Oxford dictionary describes this as “regard for one’s own well-being and happiness.”
Self-confidence: Merriam-Webster defines this as “confidence in oneself and one’s powers and abilities.”
I want to focus on self-worth because it’s something that comes up often in my life coaching sessions and myself when I’m facing new challenges. Many individuals struggle to have a strong internal sense of worthiness. They battle to accept that they’re deserving of consideration and respect.
What we forget though is whether we're showing this love, respect, value, and consideration towards ourselves. It’s easy to show these to others but do you cringe when you’re asked to show the same towards yourself?
Signs of Positive and Low Self-Worth
What does it look like to have positive self-worth? You have healthier self-esteem and strong self-confidence.
Low self-worth, on the other hand, shows itself in the following ways:
You judge or are extremely critical of yourself.
You have a low opinion of yourself.
You beat yourself up whenever you make mistakes.
You focus on your shortcomings.
You don’t acknowledge your positive attributes or strengths.
What Influences Low Self-Worth?
Your sense of self-worth is often determined by what’s happening in your life. Low self-worth is influenced by various factors such as:
Negative beliefs and thought patterns.
Mental and emotional well-being.
Lack of personal core values that align with your Truth.
Poor understanding of Self.
How you perceive your physical appearance.
Your sense of safety in the world (e.g. financial).
Unhappy childhood experiences.
To measure your self-worth, you need to ask yourself how much you love, respect, and value yourself. How would you describe yourself to someone you’ve never met before? Do you make jokes about yourself to hide your sense of low self-worth? That was my favourite trick!
Self-reflection is important to determine how much self-worth you have and discover if you have negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself. It would help if you explored where they come from.
This way, you can unpack, reflect, and slowly but determinedly forgive yourself and let go of what stops you from having healthy self-worth.
7 Ways to Boost Your Self-Worth
1. Set Healthy Boundaries
One of the pitfalls of low self-worth is having poor boundaries. People treat you like a doormat because you allow them to! Installing healthy boundaries demonstrates the love and respect you have for your Self and in turn, others will do the same.
The type of boundaries you have reflects how much self-worth you have. They demonstrate how you expect to be treated by others. When someone threatens your boundaries, it’s an opportunity for you to explore why and what you can do to strengthen them.
2. Identify and Use Your Unique Gifts and Talents
We all have unique gifts and talents but not all of us are aware of them. Identifying what they are will boost your self-worth. Sharing your unique gifts and talents with others encourages positive reinforcement which is essential for building your sense of worthiness.
When you identify your uniqueness and use it to empower others, your self-confidence and self-esteem grow. I live by this quote from Bill Plotkin – “Remember that self-doubt is as self-centred as self-inflation. Your obligation is to reach as deeply as you can and offer your unique and authentic gifts as bravely and beautifully as you’re able.”
3. Cast Doubt on Your Negative Beliefs and Thoughts
You can break something down by questioning it and causing doubt. The same applies to your negative beliefs and thoughts. By questioning the validity of a thought or belief, you’re willing to unpack it and discover where it came from. It’s often someone else’s story and you can use visualisation to gently release conditioning.
When you let go of negative thoughts and beliefs about yourself, it’s important to replace them with empowering beliefs. These could be:
I love, honour, and respect myself.
I am worthy.
I belong in and own this space.
4. Stop Over Saying “I am Sorry”
Over-apologising is a common behaviour of someone who has low self-worth. If you’re struggling to express your needs or thoughts, you may find yourself saying. ‘I am sorry” to cover up your vulnerability. Do you apologise when you feel you don’t deserve to be in the same space as someone else?
You can avoid excessive apologising by knowing when is the right time to say, “I am sorry.” You don’t need to apologise for your appearance, your feelings and needs, or when you want to ask questions.
Ask yourself why you're apologising before saying, “I am sorry.” Is it necessary? Rephrase your sentences to something like, “Excuse me” instead of “sorry” when you accidentally bump someone.
5. Take a Self-Discovery Journey
Knowing who you are and what you want is key to building self-worth. Identifying what’s not working for you in your life is a good place to start. You can then prioritise what’s important for you and set goals to attain them.
Building your personal core values enables you to figure out what you value in life and not what someone else expects of you. Understanding your needs and how to meet them in healthy ways is vital for living a life aligned with your Truth. The more you focus on self-discovery, the more you’ll discover your Truth.
6. Forgive Yourself and Practice Self-Love
Your self-discovery journey will highlight areas where you have let yourself down. Beating yourself up for these painful or negative events is counterproductive. If you want to boost your self-worth, you need to accept what happened and forgive yourself.
I do this by asking myself, “Did I have all the resources I needed at that time to handle the situation differently?” The answer would be ‘No” otherwise I would not have made a mistake, hurt other people, or taken the wrong path deliberately.
I was driven by my conditioning, lack of support, and low self-worth to behave like I did. Practising self-love and self-acceptance is essential to overcome your regrets, shame, or guilt and to step into your worth.
7. Be Responsible for Your Self-Worth
Taking responsibility for your self-worth is paramount if you want to succeed. This means not blaming others or justifying circumstances for your low self-worth but instead taking ownership of your personal power.
Acknowledge that only YOU can change the problems, events, or circumstances of your life.
When you recognise that you’re responsible for your self-worth, the following happens:
You’re no longer driven by the need to please others at the expense of your well-being.
You control how you feel about yourself and you don’t need to compare yourself to others.
How you respond to people, events, and circumstances sits in your hands.
Your sense of value is internal and you don’t need others to validate your worth.
Final Thoughts
I’ve battled with low self-worth most of my life and taking a self-discovery journey in the past ten years was my lifesaver. However, this doesn’t mean that I don’t default to old thoughts and beliefs especially when facing new challenges.
When I’m triggered, I remind myself of the tools and techniques I’ve learnt over the years and take responsibility for my self-worth. I owe it to myself and the world to value, love, and respect myself otherwise, how can I share my unique gifts and talents to empower others?
If you’re struggling to boost your self-worth, contact me today and let’s talk. I can introduce you to a practical self-discovery toolkit to support your quest for better self-worth. On a final note, I end with simple but wise words by Beyonce Knowles, “Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone else telling you who you are.”
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